


How Many Lives Is Enough?

by Erengorn314, Flarky, TheFallenAngel1988



Category: Original Work
Genre: F/F, Fairies, Fantasy, Getting Together, Immortality, LGBTQ Character, M/M, Magic, Memories, Suicide, True Love, emotional auras, hint of depression if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-28
Updated: 2019-03-01
Packaged: 2019-09-29 07:15:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17198987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Erengorn314/pseuds/Erengorn314, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flarky/pseuds/Flarky, https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheFallenAngel1988/pseuds/TheFallenAngel1988
Summary: When Sam and Alex die, they end up in a strange hallway which contains paintings with the memories of all their past lives. They are soulmates who find each other in every life. After every life they get to spend a limited time in this hallway where they're building a machine that'll enable them to remember all their lives at once. Will they ever be able to finish the machine? And how did they even end up with immortal souls?





	1. Chapter 1

She was driving towards the bus stop, when she spotted a red-haired girl, getting soaked in the rain. Alex felt sorry for her, it was really cold out and the girl was clearly shivering. So naturally, because Alex was such a kind person, she stopped and offered her a ride.

“Hey. Would you like a ride home? I wouldn’t want you to catch a cold.”

“I-uh, I mean, if it isn’t a bother?”

“I wouldn’t be asking if it was” she said, smiling.

The girl got in the car and Alex quickly learned that her name was Sam. Alex started driving and tried to make some polite conversation.

“So, how was school? I don’t think I’ve seen you before today, and I’m pretty sure I would’ve remembered.”

Sam blushed and glanced at her lap. Alex waited a while for her answer, but it never came, so she just turned up the volume and kept driving. The situation was quickly becoming awkward as both girls remained quiet, nodding their heads to the music.

Meanwhile, Sam was gathering up some courage.

“Hey, uhm,” she hesitated, “I’m really sorry, but you’ve been driving in the wrong direction this entire time and I tried to tell you but I was distracted because I really want to ask you out, but don’t feel like you’re obligated, I mean, I definitely get it and I’m so sorry I’m rambling, but-”

“I’ll go out with you,” Alex interrupted her, “but only if you stop rambling” she winked.

Sam blushed again: “Okay”

***

“My shoulders hurt soooo badly”, Alex whined. Sam just shrugged and stirred the dinner she was cooking. “If only someone could give me a massage”, she exclaimed dramatically and nudged her girlfriend. 

“If only you hadn’t thrown yourself into that badminton match so forcefully”, Sam replied, pretending to scold her, even though she couldn’t hide her own fond smile. She wouldn’t mind giving her girlfriend a massage if she wasn’t so busy cooking. 

“At least I actually do sports”, Alex retorted, sticking out her tongue. 

“You can’t be mean, because I cook the food…and I could technically poison you”

Alex pouted and decided to give it one last shot. “But maybe, if you gave me a massage, I could give you… something else”, she said as she placed her hands on Sam’s waist, drawing her closer and placing a kiss on her neck.

“Fine” Sam blushed. She still blushed, even after all the time they’d spent together. “But you have to wait five minutes until my pasta is cooked, unless you want the house to burn to the ground”

“You know you could just turn off the stove.” Sam laid her head back on Alex shoulder. 

“But that’s bad for the pasta…”, Alex grinned, her hands wandering further south. 

“I’ll give you something else to eat tonight.”

Sam gave in with a sigh and turned off the stove. She turned around to face Alex. 

“But not in the kitchen, you know I don’t like that.” Alex’ grin grew larger. 

“What about the couch?”

“The couch will do.”

Alex took Sam’s hand and guided her to the living. She stopped to kiss Sam, but Sam pushed her teasingly on the couch. Alex wrapped her arms around Sam and pulled her down with with her. Their mouths collided in a passionate kiss. Alex’ tongue licked Sam’s lips, begging for entrance, which Sam gladly granted. The kiss was amazing, as if they had been kissing for a thousand lifetimes. With their tongues in a fierce love game, Alex’ hands slipped under Sam’s shirt and lifted it up. They groaned when their kiss had to break.

“What about your massage?”, Sam asked smiling. 

“It can wait.”

***

Allison had been crying for five hours straight and Sam was about to have a mental breakdown. She’d tried everything: more breastmilk, clean diapers, holding her on her right arm, on her left and on each of her shoulders. She’d even tried singing, though her wife usually told her she sounds like a baby seal being brutally murdered. 

Nothing worked. The doctor had told her it was probably just cramps, and that there was nothing she could do to help. She was helpless and all alone.

As the thought of getting a knife and slitting either of their throats crossed her mind, her knight in shining white armour suddenly appeared. It was Alex, finally home from work, and carrying a bag with a dummy. Sam started crying at the sight.

Alex ran towards her and gently took the baby from her grasp. Sam collapsed on the sofa, feeling as if the biggest weight in the world had been lifted off her chest.  
Her sweet wife took the dummy from the bag and put it in Allison’s mouth. And finally, finally she was silent.

Sam heaved a deep sigh. “I can’t believe we forgot to buy dummies.”

Alex lay down next to her so she could rest her head on her shoulder. “Well, at least she’s sleeping now”. When she lifted her head, she noticed Sam was sleeping too.

***

Alex couldn’t believe it. She was watching her little girl walk down the aisle, dressed in a beautiful white gown while a giant smile lit up her face. It was unbelievable. It seemed like just yesterday she’d been watching her first piano recital. Allison had been nervous, but Alex had been even more nervous. She felt those same nerves when her daughter turned to face her fiancé, looking happier than ever. 

She looked over to Sam, who was crying, just as everyone had suspected. Alex handed her a tissue and took one for herself. Sam wasn’t the only one who had to wipe away some tears.

***

The time for Alex to go had come. Her long, and happy life had lasted 84 years and now cancer had finally caught up. It was fine. She was ready to walk her last steps towards the light, but deep within she felt that there was one last thing to do. The spirit of Alex left the hospital. 

The light led her to Sam, the love of her life. There she lay, asleep for the last time in their own bedroom in their own house. Alex opened the window and floated inside. She knocked over a vase with flowers in the process, those had been a gift of their daughters. It didn’t really matter. The only one who mattered now was Sam, who had woken up and was smiling at her. Alex took her hand and led her to the light.


	2. Chapter 2

Sam was standing in a dimly lit hallway. Both sides of the hallway were adorned with paintings in various shapes. There didn’t seem to be a source of light anywhere, yet she would have been able to see all the way to the end of the hall, had her vision not been restricted by human boundaries. Panic was bubbling in her chest, but when she looked to her side, Alex was there.

“Where are we, Alex? I’m scared.” 

When she tried to look at Alex’ face to gauge her reaction, she noticed that her wife didn’t really have a face. She also didn’t have a body. It was like she was just… there. And even though she didn’t have a face, it was still so clear to Sam that the entity standing in front of her was Alex. “Why can I recognise you even if you don’t look like that beautiful girl who offered me a ride home? This hall full of paintings gives me the creeps. Alex???”

The spirit of Alex extended an arm- or maybe a leg, and touched Sam to keep her from spiraling into anxiety. Sam noticed she didn’t have a body either, but still her wife’s touch felt warm. 

“Don’t worry, my love, you’re safe with me. I don’t know what’s happening either, but we’ll figure it out together.” Deep down Alex was petrified too; she didn’t like not knowing what was happening. Nevertheless she felt the need to protect her wife, so she stepped forward and started looking around.

There was one painting that stood out. Beneath it was written “where it all began”. Alex was confused. Where what began? Maybe her wife would be wiser.

“Saaaaaaaaaaaaaam. Come see this”

While Alex was waiting for her wife to come, she stared at the painting. There were 2 people portrayed. She could see they were holding an object, but couldn’t decipher what it was. Then, slowly, memories started seeping into her mind. Glimpses of the people in this painting were obscuring her vision, and Alex felt herself getting sucked in. She quickly looked somewhere else before she could be whisked away by the memories. Her memories.

Because it wasn’t just any person portrayed. It was Sam and Alex. A moment of their first life was painted. The paintings in the endless hall were special. Each of them represented a lifetime they spent together; it depicted a specific moment in one of their previous lives. 

Suddenly Sam said: “Look, there is a giant clock next to the painting. How did we miss it?!”

“I guess I was so caught up in the painting, I didn’t even notice it. Can you blame me? You looked so cute”, Alex teased her wife.

“Stop being cheesy. The clock is counting down! What could it mean? It doesn’t create an impression of safety.”

“I don’t know, maybe we should read the note next to it?”, Alex suggested.

“Woah, there is a note? I didn’t notice it.”

“You reproached me for missing the clock, but you didn’t catch the note…”

“Uhm, that doesn’t matter. Let’s read it”

Dear future Sam and Alex,  
As you can see, the clock is ticking down. As soon as the clock hits 00:00 you will be reborn into your next life. We made the clock to know how much time we have left. Before we respawned into your lives, we were busy making a machine to help us remember everything. Continue this project. You’ll find the machine further down the hall. Don’t waste time looking at other paintings and remembering past lives, once we achieve this project you’ll recall everything. On the way, you should look at paintings nr. 482, 119 and 69; you’ll need those skills. Next to our machine (we call it the Recollector2000) you’ll find further instructions.   
Greets,   
Past Sam and Alex 

Sam spoke: “ You heard our past selves! Let’s go to painting nr. 482 ”. Alex obeyed her the same way she did in her former life. She could never contradict Sam.

Painting nr. 482 depicted two young men. They were glowing, like light was streaming through their skin. A note was attached to the picture frame.

Dear future Sam and Alex,  
This painting will provide you with the first piece of knowledge you’ll need to fix the machine: engineering! Just stare real deep and you’ll know what to do :)  
Ps: don’t worry, you’re not angels, this universe just happens to contain emotional auras.

Sam looked at Alex and was reassured by her girlfriend’s fond gaze. Everything would be fine, as long as they were together. At once, they looked at the painting together and they got lost in memories.


	3. Chapter 3

This week had been disastrous. On monday, Alex had overslept and missed his calculus class. On tuesday, he’d forgotten he was supposed to hand in a paper, and he’d spent all wednesday working on said paper. On thursday, he’d tripped over his feet and fallen down the stairs in front of a cute boy. He’d tried not to show any signs of pain on his face, but he’d seen his aura light up a bright salmon colour, clearly representing his shame. 

Lastly, on friday, one of his roommates had stolen his pudding from their shared fridge. For a few seconds, his aura had been so red, he hadn’t been able to see anything, but he’d managed to calm down.  
So Alex decided the only thing he could do was head to the nearest supermarket and buy more of his beloved pudding. At the supermarket, he was sulking through the aisle when he spotted a handsome, black stranger grabbing the last pack of pudding.

“No! No no no”, he started chanting at the stranger, who had turned around and was now eyeing him warily. “Please, I really need that” he begged the broad-shouldered man. 

“You really need… this pudding?”, he asked him hesitantly. The man could have looked quite intimidating with his buff build and sharp, symmetrical jawline. Unfortunately for him, the awkwardness on his face alone could have given away all his true feelings, had his emotional aura not turned a hesitant pale blue. Alex was certain he could make him return his pudding. 

“Yes. It’s of utmost urgency”, Alex insisted and took a few steps forward so he could sense the other’s emotions even better. He was quite literally up in his bubble. It made people feel vulnerable and this fella seemed like the type to be scared rather than angry at vulnerability. 

The stranger’s aura turned even paler and shrunk back until it was just above his skin. “I guess I’ll let you have it then” he surrendered. Alex thought he’d successfully intimidated the poor guy until his dark-skinned face was illuminated by a smile and his aura turned the bright colour of sunflowers. Confidence. 

“But I’ll need something in return”, he smiled.

“And what would that be?”, Alex replied, pretty sure he had nothing to give.

“Your number”, the guy stated easily, successfully colouring Alex’ aura a bright pink. His own aura gained a few pink spots, but he could mostly keep up the confidence. 

“Only if you tell me your name”, Alex wouldn’t be bested in flirting by some handsome stranger in the supermarket, thank you very much. Now both of their auras turned pink as Alex learned his new acquaintance was called Sam and Sam obtained his number. 

***

Alex had been eagerly awaiting a text for a few days, but it seemed Sam’s surge of confidence must have passed, as he never got one. 

It was a Friday two weeks later when they met again. Alex was at a Uni party, casually sipping his beer and watching his friends score dates for the night, when suddenly, somebody tapped him on his shoulder. It was Sam. 

“Hi”

“Long time no see”, Alex greeted him, crossing his arms. “Weren’t you supposed to call me?” 

“I guess so. Sorry. You know how it is with Uni and stuff…”, Sam apologized. He tried to sound casual, but he was clearly ashamed. Alex felt bad for making him feel that way. His handsome face was meant to smile. 

“It’s fine. I know the feeling. So what do you study?” 

“Linguistics. Sounds pretty boring I guess but I really like it”

“Couldn’t be more boring than engineering”, Alex laughed. 

“That what you study?”

“Yeah. Not sure why I chose it. It seemed like there was this urge inside me, telling me I had to study engineering, like it was knowledge I just had to acquire.” 

Sam chuckled nervously. “You know, that’s actually so strange. I had the exact same urge, but I tend to ignore my urges. So I guess that’s why I chose the total opposite of engineering.” He was glancing at his feet like this was a very personal thing to admit. His aura had shrunk too.

“Why would you ignore your urges?”, Alex asked him, continuing to stare at his face, even when Sam looked up and stared right back.

“Because my urges aren’t always very… chaste”, Sam answered and looked straight at his lips, as if Alex’ heart hadn’t been racing enough yet. He really didn’t know how to respond to that, so he looked ahead at one of his friends who seemed to be getting rejected but unable to take the hint. The girl’s aura was clearly shrinking back and turning a sickly green. His friend must have noticed she was uncomfortable. Alex decided then and there that he never really liked the guy anyway. Luckily one of the girl’s friends managed to get her out of there. 

“I’m really sorry if I’ve been reading this wrong, but I was wondering if maybe you would like to go out with me?”, Sam brought him back to reality.

“Yes!” Alex said a bit too quickly. “I mean, I’d like to”, he tried to soften his response, but the damage was already done. Here they were, sat at a club, grinning at each other while their auras coloured their visions a bright pink. 

***

Sam was a classy man, and he took people on classy dates. That’s why Alex found himself in a classy restaurant facing a classy man in a classy suit, while sweating severely.

“Again, I’m so sorry I dressed so casually”, he apologized for the umpteenth time that evening.

“Please stop apologizing, it’s me who should have informed you of the dress code in this restaurant”, Sam replied, clearly feeling uncomfortable. Great, now Alex was making this handsome man who was paying for his expensive meal uncomfortable.

“Besides, I think you look way better in that hoodie than everyone around us in their fancy suits”, he added. His gaze was warm and it felt a bit like a warm blanket, like he was coating Alex with his kindness.

“Why are you so sweet to me?”, Alex asked. It was something he’d noticed in all of their conversations. “Have you ever been mean to someone? In, like, your entire life?” he chuckled.

Sam blushed along with his aura. “I don’t know,” he admitted, “the thing I said about the fancy suits was pretty harsh, right?”

Alex just laughed, and Sam chuckled along. “That’s it, I’m teaching you how to be mean!” he exclaimed.

“But I don’t want to be mean”, Sam objected, still laughing a bit.

“What do you mean, you don’t want to be mean?”, Alex responded, laughing even more loudly at his own bad joke. “People are scared of meanies, you know. And fear equals power”, he added in a low and evil voice.

“Nah, everybody knows ‘meanies’ are just sad people with self-esteem issues”, Sam said, sticking out his tongue.

“Hey! You do know how to be mean! I don’t know whether to be proud or offended. I think I’m mostly offended, actually.”

“Told you, self-esteem issues.” They both laughed at that.

This conversation lasted a little while longer and evolved into many others. Both Sam and Alex were laughing the entire time and it had been a long time since they’d been this happy. So, when Alex invited Sam for some stargazing on the roof of his dorm, neither of them considered a ‘no’.

***

“People often think that scientists can’t really enjoy the wonders of nature anymore. ‘When you take away mystery, all that’s left is some chemical formula’ is what my parents tell me all the time. How can you be in awe of something when you know exactly how it works?”, Alex told Sam. They were lying on their backs on the roof of Alex’ dorm. It wasn’t really that cold, but they’d lain down close to each other anyway. Their sides were touching from their shoulders to their feet. Above them was a dark sky and a couple of stars. “But I disagree. I think being a scientist makes the stars so much more beautiful. When you’re aware of the amount of luck needed to create such a giant and impressive fireball, it’s all the more breathtaking. Besides, I think engineers are the closest to comprehending just how vast and enormous our universe is. And, how insignificantly small we are in comparison”, Alex added. Maybe he should have been studying philosophy. 

“Perhaps not everybody likes to be reminded of their insignificance”, Sam replied. His voice was small and quiet. 

“Why else would you go stargazing?” Nobody really said anything for a while after that. Their auras had tuned into one another to create a pretty light blue.

“There really aren’t that many stars tonight”, Sam said. Alex looked over at Sam and was taken aback by the beauty of the moonlight reflecting on his dark skin. He felt tingles through all the places where their bodies were touching, and goosebumps rose up on his arms. 

“I never should have encouraged you to be so mean, it’s like it’s all you can do now.”

Sam turned his head and met Alex’ eyes. Their faces were close now and Alex was even more awed by the light reflecting off Sam’s dark irises. He looked like an angel.

“It’s your fault. You make me say things I normally never would. It’s like everything I think, I have to say out loud. As if you’ve stepped into my brain and you’re occupying it completely and every time I have a thought of my own, you kick it out and it’s replaced by a thought of you”, Sam whispered, but Alex heard every word.

“So what do you think of when you think of me?”

Sam looked at Alex’ lips, before responding: “How I really want to kiss you.”

“Then why don’t you?” 

And Sam did. He leant forward and pressed his lips against Alex’ tentatively, and oh so gently. They pulled apart and kissed again and again. Meanwhile, their auras had molten together, sending off a clear white light. All they were feeling was love.


	4. Chapter 4

White light was streaming from the painting as their souls rejoined their not-really-existing bodies. They were both knocked against the opposite wall and remained sat there for quite a long time. The sound of them trying to catch their breaths echoed all through the hallway. It seemed gaining the memories of a whole lifetime was quite a lot for a human brain to handle. 

Alex was the first to break the silence. “So uh, you okay?”

Of course she’d be worried about Sam.

“Yeah. I’m - it was a lot. But I’m okay. Not sure if I can handle another painting right now though.” 

Alex agreed. They decided to take a look at the machine first, perhaps Alex would be able to do something with her engineering skill already.

Alex and Sam arrived at the end of the hallway, where the machine was. Where earlier both walls were covered with paintings, was now just an empty wall that seemed to continue indefinitely. Enough room for a lot of future lives. The last painting was one of a happy, old couple, where the taller man had confidently wrapped his arm around his smiling wife. 

“You were as beautiful in that life as you were in this”, Alex commented. 

“How do you know which one is me?”

“I feel it in my bones, I would have loved him as much as I love you.” 

Sam looked Alex straight in the eye. 

“It’s weird to think that that is actually us. Are we immortal?”

“I guess so, but we can’t remember our past lives, so is it really immortality if we start over again and again with no clue of what happened before?”

“I really don’t know. You were always the more philosophical one.”

“Well, I got taught by Aristotle, when I was Alexander the Great,” Alex winked, “but I guess that’s why we’re building this machine.” 

They looked simultaneously at the machine. It was quite large, but not as large as they had expected, about a meter high, deep and wide. 

“Let’s figure out how this thing works,” Sam decided.

“Or we could just read the instructions”, Alex said while pointing at a heap of papers. 

They picked the papers up and read them carefully. 

“Really, how many different handwritings did we have over the time?”, Sam noted.

“We’re already lucky we decided to be consistent and write everything in English.” 

Sam nodded in agreement. 

“Okay, I think I got it”, Alex said, “ the machine loads the memories from every painting and stores it on a giant drive. When every painting is uploaded we need to put those two head caps on and it’ll load all the memories in our head permanently. Luckily, the machine is near completion. The output needs to be fixed and the rest of the paintings paintings need to be uploaded. There are only 30 left.”

Sam was glad Alex understood all of this. She wasn’t really comfortable in all that sciency stuff. 

“Okay,” she answered, “if you finish the output, I’ll start uploading the rest of the paintings.”

Alex agreed. She kneeled in front of the machine and investigated the output helmets more carefully. 

Sam went to the other side of the machine where a large placard ‘input’ was written. She pushed on it and a hose came out. She took it in her hand and walked up to the first unuploaded painting. Where two smiling men were happily hugging each other. Sam smiled when she saw them. They looked so happy, as happy as she and Alex had been in this life. She attached the hose to the painting and walked back to the machine. 

When she got there she saw on a screen that the upload was already 15% completed. Her eyes widened when she realized something.

“Alex?”, she said shocked. Alex looked up curiously. 

“Yeah?’

“I just realized something… If the uploading continues to go at this rate, I’ll be finished before the time runs out.”

Alex didn’t know how to react. Knowing that they were so close to their goal,their goal from all those lifetimes, it was just… incomprehensible. 

“That’s… amazing”, she finally said, “but let’s first see if I can fix the output.”

Apparently, having studied engineering at university wasn’t enough to be able to fix the stupid output of this stupid machine. They were so close and now Alex thought she was screwing it all up again and… it was possible she was getting a little frustrated. But of course, Sam being Sam, took notice. 

“Maybe we just need the skills from the other paintings first” she said softly, as if not to startle Alex. 

“No, I’m sure I should be able to do this. It’s just… there’s something I’m not seeing, and I don’t want to ruin this for us now that we’re so close to our goal” Alex sighed.

“We’ve lived this many lives, we can live one more.”

“But what if this is what happens every time? Maybe we’ll keep getting stuck at this exact place over and over again. Maybe this is what’s been happening for the past 200 paintings. We couldn’t know, because we can’t fucking remember!” Tears started welling up in her eyes, but she pushed them back. Deep down, she knew panicking wasn’t going to help at all, but doesn’t everyone who panics know that?

Sam placed her hand on Alex’ back lovingly. Her touch was strong and reassuring and it made Alex feel so safe and so loved. She might just start crying for a different reason now.

“Look, all I know is that you’re amazing and you’ll figure it out eventually. You just need a change of scenery”. 

Sam led Alex back down the hall then, all the way back to painting 119, the second painting they were supposed to look at. Neither of them said a word and neither of them noticed the little note that had fallen to the floor. The bright white light enveloped them once again and their souls were thrown into a different story.


	5. Chapter 5

“Come on, Sam! Hurry up! Sunset is in half an hour and we still have a long way to go!” Alex was eager to climb the mountain. She was planning on asking Sam something at the top, but she was waiting for the moment to be perfect. 

“Maybe if you had been there on time, we wouldn’t be in such a hurry... You know I like to do stuff at ease”, Sam accused Alex.

“Yeah, but I still had a lot of things to do. You’ll understand later. Please go faster.”

Sam obeyed Alex, because she could feel that her childhood friend was excited. She was granted the superpower of feeling other people’s emotions. At the age of 19 everyone in their clan received a different power. No one knew the origin of this, but nobody complained. Sam was a bit envious of Alex’ superpowers, she could freeze things and shoot icicles out of her hand. According to Sam, feeling people’s emotions was boring, and she also would have loved to control ice. Above that, her own emotions were complicated enough, and constantly feeling so many things was incredibly tiring.

They finally arrived at the summit of the mountain just in time to see the beautiful sunset. They sat down and admired the breathtaking scenery. The landscape consisted of a large, brewing volcano and a beautiful view of the forest; occasionally there were blank spots and you could see the little straw cabins of the people from their clan. At daytime the view here was already extraordinary, but now it was magnificent, thanks to the sun going under. It felt as if God were an artist and He was painting the sky in all the colours he could think of. 

While they were staring at the sunset, Alex began feeling nervous, as she was going to ask her best friend something important that could ruin their friendship.

She pulled a lovely necklace out her pocket and started talking: “So, I-uhm…”

“You what?”, Sam asked curiously.

“So… the other day you were deploring that you lost your necklace. I hate seeing you sad. And I know how much it meant to you so I ordered to make a new one; it looks exactly the same. I picked it up just before coming here, that’s why I was so late”, Alex cut to the chase.

“Ooh, Alex you’re the best friend ever! You shouldn’t have done that”, Sam exclaimed, overjoyed.

“Yeah, I also wanted to talk to you about that matter… I like you Sam, I like you a lot. I don’t know how to express myself, but you make me feel like I’m special; like I’m the only girl in the world. Just thinking about seeing you makes me ecstatic”, Alex confessed.

Sam was speechless and didn’t know how to answer. She would have loved to pretend that she didn’t understand, that she couldn’t feel exactly what Alex was trying to tell her. But she could, and even though she’d tried not to notice, she had been sensing it for a very long time. So instead, she just ran away, trying to escape her feelings. It was too much to take in.

When Sam had fantasised about growing old with someone, she’d imagined herself with a boy and not a girl. She couldn’t like her best friend back. Not like that. What would other people think of her?

***  
The following days Alex tried to reach out to her. Unfortunately, Sam didn’t want to be reached. Everyday she passed by Sam’s cabin and knocked on the door, but she never responded. Alex tried to talk to her anyway, just in case she might hear her. She repeated the same thing every time: “Sam, I’m sorry. I don’t want to ruin our friendship. I didn’t mean to. I can’t lose you. Sam, please, don’t leave me. I’m begging you.” 

But time and time again she left feeling miserable and walked to her cabin on the other side of the woods. 

But what she didn’t know was that Sam was sitting next to the door every time, crying her eyes out. She could feel that her friend was heartbroken. She felt extremely guilty. She didn’t want to do this to Alex, but she couldn’t help herself. Out of all people, why did her best friend had to like her? Out of all people, why did she have to like her back? Why couldn’t she just like the cute boy next door? 

***  
After a few weeks Alex had stopped passing by. She had abandoned all hope. She was even thinking about using the gemstone her father gave her. It had been passed down each generation in their family. The stone would grant only one wish, but her father had taught her that magic always came with a price. She could wish Sam loved her, but there would certainly be a catch. On top of that, Alex desired true love. The kind you see in movies and read in books. The kind that is sincere. If Sam loved Alex back it would have to be her choice and not Alex’. 

After a while, Alex couldn’t deal with her emotions anymore, so she spent all her attention on training. She was trying her best to thrive at freezing things and shooting icicles. You never knew when it may be of use. And the best way to not think about something is to focus your attention elsewhere.

***  
It took two whole months before Sam came to her senses. She decided the self-pity needed to stop; it wouldn’t control her life anymore. Too many tears had been shed, she couldn’t cry anymore. Even though she hadn’t fully embraced the thought of being gay, she accepted it. She wanted to talk to Alex, but she didn’t know how to tackle the issue. Alex would probably be furious. Sam tried to clear her head, so she just started walking. Her heart would know what to do.

Her feet led her to Alex’ cabin. There she stood, feeling vulnerable. She couldn’t bring herself to knock on the door after all the pain she had caused. And so she sat down, like a stray dog, before Alex’ door, waiting for her to come out. Unfortunately, Alex wasn’t home, so Sam had to wait a few hours.

Alex was calmly walking home, not knowing that the love of her life was sitting at her doorstep. If she had known, she would have rushed home.

“Sam? Is that you, Sam?” The sun had gone under. The dark had taken all the light and colours away. Alex was seeing in black and white due the lack of light.

“Oh, hi Alex” Sam hadn’t noticed Alex’ arrival and didn’t know what to say even though she had been rehearsing what to say the entire time she’d been sat on her doorstep. Now that the moment had come, everything she wanted to say seemed silly. She was at a loss of words.

“Why are you here?”, Alex asked.

“Uh, do you remember when you told me you liked me?” 

“No, why would I remember you breaking my heart?”, Alex reproached Sam.

“I’m sorry Alex. I know it won’t make a difference, but I truly am sorry. I’ve realised my mistakes. I didn’t want to face the fact that I like you too. Could we give it a try?” This time Sam felt vulnerable. “But before you answer there's still a small issue. Could we keep it a secret for the moment? I’m not ready to come out.”

***  
Alex was cuddled up in bed with Sam. They were enjoying the soothing sound from the breezing wind, which caused the leaves to rustle. People never seem to realise how loud everything is until the night falls. 

Alex was in a tight embrace of Sam’s arms; she was very comfortable. She could smell her girlfriend’s almond perfume. It smelled just as sweet as her. She didn’t want to leave her arms, but she felt like her bladder was going to explode. On her way to the bathroom she looked outside. First she stiffened, then she started cursing.

“Sam, what’s happening? Please stand up and come see.”

“Nooooo, I don’t want tooooo. Come back to bed. It’s so cozy”, Sam tried to convince Alex.

“My Love, this isn’t a request. It’s really important you stand up.”

Sam could feel that Alex was petrified thus she conceded : “Fine”.

She stood up from the bed sluggishly, and gazed through the window. When she looked up she perceived volcanic ash and smoke coming out of the Volcano, followed by an outflow of lava. They didn’t have much time left before it would reach them. Trying to flee was pointless. 

Alex’ heart started to pound, she was sweating excessively and trembling. She felt as if she were going to faint. 

For once in her life Sam was grateful of her power. She could tell how her girlfriend was feeling and tried to comfort her: “Breathe, Alex, please. Take a deep breath. Close your eyes and focus on your respiration and my voice. Alex, I love you.” She then kissed her girlfriend softly. 

This action calmed Alex down and she confessed why she had started panicking: “I can’t lose you, my love. I just got you. Sam, I love you too.” 

They started making out, because if you’re going to die you can at least go down doing something (or should I say someone) you like.

But Alex’ head was wandering off to find a solution; she couldn’t let the love of her life die. She kept feeling this primal urge to protect Sam.

The lava was drawing near, when Alex recalled that she had the power to freeze things! The lava would probably be too hot, but she could at least give it a shot.

“Sam, I think I figured out how to save you!” Alex exclaimed.

She put on some clothes and left to play with fire.

***  
There she stood, so close to the fire, she was risking getting burnt. She was preparing herself mentally: trying to freeze lava would demand a lot of strength.

She counted to three and attempted to do the impossible. Behind Alex stood Sam, encouraging her. Like a cheerleader cheering for their team to win.

A laser-like blue ray exited Alex’ hands. The contact between the lava and the ice resulted in vapor. Nevertheless, Alex didn’t give up. She was only able to freeze the lava for a short amount of time. Her efforts were in vain; the only thing she succeeded was buying them more time.The ice would only hold so long. The lava wouldn’t stop sliding down. With each second passing by there was more lava.

Nothing could be heard, as if the forest knew the gravity of the situation. The silence was broken by Alex.

“I can’t hold it any longer, Sam. Go!” She desperately tried to convince Sam to leave.

“No, Alex, I love you.”

“I’ll always be with you.”

“Give me one last kiss. We’re far too young to die”, Sam begged.

Sam kissed her one last time, not caring what her family and friends would think. Just like her last idea, Alex came up with a new solution while kissing her girlfriend. Kissing her girlfriend helped clearing her mind. The only thing that was clear for her was her love for Sam. She needed to protect her at all costs. 

“Oh my god, I’m so stupid! Why didn’t I think of the gemstone my father gave me?” Carefully she took the gemstone attached to her necklace in her hands and made a wish. The stone started profusely emitting a green glow, that invaded the whole forest.

“I wish for us to be safe and sound” she said, certain that it would at least guarantee their safety. But the gemstone was cunning and found a loophole. Alex never specified which form of them needed to be safe. 

The forest was still the same, but its inhabitants were different. It seems as though the wish had caused evolution to turn back in time. Everyone had become primates. The wish had still obeyed Alex’ will though. They were both safe and that was the only thing that matters.


	6. Chapter 6

If the last story had been hard to remember, one where they were almost burnt to a crisp definitely wasn’t any easier. Their hands were clasped together as their brains worked hard to make room for this incessant flood of memories. It took even longer than last time, but in the end, they both recovered enough to share a few sentences.

“My head hurts.”

“So does mine.”

“So, a freeze ray huh?”

“Yeah. Do you reckon it still works? Is that what we needed to fix the output?”

Sam looked over for the first time now. “I don’t know, Alex. But I’m pretty sure I can’t sense your feelings anymore.”

She noticed a note on the ground, picked it up and read it out loud. 

_ You may be wondering why we chose to revive this memory out of so many. It may seem silly. The skill here isn’t obvious like the one from painting 482. This recollection learns you that even though we do our best we may not succeed. The outcome may not be how we expect it to be. Nevertheless, we still have to try our best. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. _

_    ~past Sam and Alex _

Alex had regained her strong, optimistic spirit after reliving the last life. She immediately continued working on the output helmets while Sam went to upload the last few paintings. But how was she ever going to fix this? The helmets looked complete, but they weren’t working. She felt deep down that there was just a small problem messing up the whole system. 

Alex took the manual. She started flipping through the pages until she came to a part about the output helmets. There wasn’t much to find. Just the basics about the main functions. But the engineering skills from the first painting they’d visited came in handy. She was able to figure out what all the wiring led to. The red transferred the power from the generator to the helmets and their parts. The blue one conducted the information. Nothing seemed to be wrong or missing, but somehow the feeling that something wasn’t right wouldn’t let her go. She decided that maybe she was wrong and that everything was all right. If she tried to turn them on, she would immediately see if they worked. What could go wrong?

Alex stood up and pressed the red power switch. The machine started buzzing softly. Everything seemed to go well. She flipped the switch, diverting power to the helmets. For a moment everything seemed to go alright. A blue spark blinded Alex for a moment and she heard  the machine powering down. She groaned. So much for everything being fine. 

Luckily there wasn’t much damage. The power wire was burned, but it was easily replaced. She removed the old wire and took a new one. It had the colour of  the weeds that grow on the bottom of a lake. Somehow it made her think of Sam and a faint smile appeared. After all these lifetimes, she still loved her with everything she had. Words just couldn’t describe how happy she was that Sam was her soulmate. 

“Alex! Are you all right?”, Sam called worriedly from behind her. She turned around, facing her soulmate and she just couldn’t hold herself. She wrapped her arms around Sam and kissed her lovingly. Sam immediately answered and the kiss was long and intense. At last, they broke apart for air. 

“What was that for?”, Sam asked with a grin. 

“I just realised that you make me the happiest person.”

Sam looked Alex in the eye. “I love you so much and I always will, no matter how many lives we have to live. You’ll always be the one for me”. 

Alex felt a tear swelling in her eye. “I love you too.”

“Well, I’m uploading the last painting. How are the helmets coming on?”, Sam asked. 

“It’s proving to be more difficult than I thought. I just had to replace all the power wiring.”

“That colour, it reminds me of something, it makes me so sad”, Sam said, lost in thoughts.

Alex agreed. There was something about this colour. And the purple wire next to it gave off the same sad feelings. 

Alex cleared her head. Time was running out and she still had to fix those damned outputs. She sat down next to the helmets and took one in her hands. She was so close to giving up. Maybe she just wasn’t smart enough to fix the problem. Maybe they were just doomed to live every life unaware of who they were. And maybe they would never break this cycle of trying and failing. Who knew how many lives they’d been working on this stupid machine with the weird feeling-giving wires!

“The wires! That’s it!”, Alex exclaimed. The power wire was connected to the information circuit and not the battery! She quickly pulled the power wire from the information circuit and connected it to the battery and repeated the process with the other helmet. Now she was able to connect the information circuit to the memory drive.

There was one final test: powering up the machine. She pressed the power button. The machine started the way it should, with its soft buzzing. Now, all or nothing, time was running out. She flipped the switch to power up the helmets. They lighted up, no spark, no powering down.

“Sam! Sam!”, Alex screamed enthusiastically, “It works!”

“That’s fantastic! I knew you could do it. It always works when you build it!”.

They hugged. Finally they would be able to remember! Finally they would be able to remember every life they’ve lived. 

“Shall we try?”, Sam proposed.

“Maybe we should wait. We still have painting 69 to visit, we should learn what it has to say before we try the machine. Maybe it warns us for something.”

They walked to the painting. It showed two women. They were completely naked and smirking right at them.

“Sam, what’s that scar under your breasts?”.

“I think I was trans in this life, and more importantly, I’m pretty sure we were porn stars.”

“How do you know?”, Alex asked surprised.  

Sam’s head turned red. “Well… I may or may not have seen a video of theirs during my, our life.”

Alex laughed. “I have no idea if that’s creepy or not, but it’s certainly weird.”

Sam, trying to change the subject, pointed to the note under the painting. 

_ Dear Sam and Alex _

_ This painting doesn’t contain a lesson or a skill, but we just like to relive it because, well, it’s full of fun times ;-). So if time is short, you’d be better off skipping this one and reliving the first painting. It’s important that you know where we come from, and what caused this whole situation.  _

_ Good Luck! _

“How much time do we have left?”, Alex asked, hoping that there would be enough left to relive this life.

“Not much,” Sam answered much to Alex regret, “we only have enough time for one painting if we still want to do the upload this time.”

“Let’s relive our first life then”, Alex concluded.

They walked towards the very first painting in the hall and stood in front of it. The sensation of being pulled in had almost become familiar when the white light surrounded them for what would hopefully be the last time. 


	7. Chapter 7

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there were two fairies, who loved each other very, very much. One of them had hair and wings that were the colour of the weeds that grew on the bottom of the lake by their village. Her name was Sam. The other fairy’s hair and wings were purple, and fierce like fire, but soft as the silk of her robes. These two very special girls had grown up together and had been inseparable since birth. Naturally, they grew to love each other in every sense of the word and for a very long time, they were happy. They ran a quaint little shop, where they sold children’s toys they’d carved themselves to all the children in the village. Both the shop and their home were hollows, carved in their tree of marriage. Every couple of the village grew a tree when they decided to spend the rest of their lives together, and by doing so, they connected their bond to the life force of the tree. This meant that it was very important to take good care of your tree, for a healthy tree was a healthy marriage. 

Sam and Alex loved their tree with all their heart, and would have given anything to keep it healthy. But there was nothing they could have done.

James and Allison’s tree was the first to fall. The shadows had started in the roots of the tree, devouring the inside as they climbed higher and higher. By the time anyone noticed, the tree was already rotten to the core. There was nothing they could do. James and Allison had once been Alex and Sam’s best friends. When they were children, they used to soar over the lake together, and pretend the shimmering lights in the waves were diamonds they could hold in their hands. What a cruel twist of fate it was to make Spring Lake their final destination. 

While the Village Elders were discussing what to make of this threat to the trees, Sam and Alex witnessed their friends’ entire descent into madness. It started with a general dissatisfaction towards each other and grew to be true hatred for everything they’d ever stood for. 

The last time anyone ever saw them, it was the middle of the night, and they were flying over the village, fighting, kicking, scratching, and biting while they swung back and forth through the air. People were screaming at them to stop, but they only ever looked down once, and then continued their fighting as they flew towards Spring Lake. People stopped yelling when they saw how the couple’s eyes had turned black. At one point, James tore off a part of Allison’s wing, and she screamed until Sam was sure all the animals of the forest must have fled. The torn piece of wing floated down until it landed at her feet. It was still twitching, and had turned pitch black. Somehow, Sam could feel it cry. 

That night, the entire forest was silent. The next day, the roots of all the trees in the village were inspected for shadows. All of them had been infected. Many potions and spells were used in an attempt to fight the disease, or at least stop it from spreading, but all were ineffective. One week later, the grass turned black. A few more days passed, and nearly half the marriage trees were visibly turning black on the outside. Nobody knew what to do, and everybody was scared of what was coming, but there wasn’t a single fairy who fled. It was not the way of their people.

So when the shadows started rising from the lake, and taking the shape of large, ogre-like creatures, all fairies were ready for battle. But fighting the shadows was like trying to fight the wind. Their swords and arrows sliced right through them, and they walked straight through every defensive spell. Many fairies were swallowed by the shadows, never to return. The rest was forced to retreat, while their marriage trees continued to turn black. Sam and Alex realised they would never be able to defeat these monsters, and decided to look for help before it was too late.

And so they fled from the shadows, towards the part of the forest that was still green and alive, to find anything or anyone willing to rescue them. The journey was hurried, the two of them always glancing over their shoulders, always on the watch for the shadows. Nighttime was the scariest time, especially when the moon wasn’t out to guide them. They spent this time huddled close, trying desperately to warm each other until the cold, anxious pits in their stomachs would melt. Instead, they grew more anxious as each day passed, and they felt their tree dying in the distance. Helplessness threatened to overwhelm them many times, but still their fairy hearts gave them the courage to persevere. At last, they discovered a little cottage in the middle of the woods. They held no real hope that their saviour would be living in a small, wooden cottage, but they were longing for warmth even more than rescuing at this point. 

They were in luck; the cottage was warm. Inside lived a scrawny old man, who, judging by the amount of spell books on the walls and his uncombed grey beard, appeared to be a wizard. He was very welcoming and made them some tea while he listened as the two fairies told their terrible tale. They thanked him for his hospitality, and warned him of the danger to come. In return, he told them his own life story; how he had been part of an elite group of wizards, but how the shadows had come for all of them, and he’d had to flee to this remote part of the realm. He told them they were probably one of the few remaining living creatures in this universe, and that soon the shadows would be here too. He had a map of where he knew the shadows to be, and the girls quickly saw they were surrounded. They were going to die. And their own little village, where everybody had been happy, and they’d wanted to spend their entire lives, had been swallowed by the darkness. 

Images of everyone in the village started flooding their eyes: their families, friends, and neighbours: all of them now dead. And the trees. All of them had probably turned black by now. But when they tapped into their life forces, they could clearly feel that their own tree wasn’t gone entirely. At the crest, a few leaves stubbornly shone green, which meant their bond was still fighting back against the darkness. But it wouldn’t stand much longer. And in that moment, both fairies knew there was something they feared far more than death. And that was losing each other. 

They decided they would spend their last moments close together, and begged the wizard not to let them hurt each other once their tree had been completely turned. But the old man had a better idea. He took off a necklace he had been wearing, and placed it in Alex’ hands. The pendant was no ordinary gemstone, but what seemed to just be... light. She tried to touch it, but her finger went right through. The wizard told them it had been a gift of his sister, and that it would grant anyone who held it one wish, as long as it only affected themselves. At first, the girls were hesitant to accept such a generous gift, but the old man assured them he had no more use for it, and that time was pressing. In the end, there never really was a choice to make. As you know, they would have done anything for each other. It wasn’t clear who was the one to speak the wish out loud. The words seemed to be coming from both of their mouths simultaneously. It didn’t really matter. Their wish would never truly be fulfilled anyway.

“I wish for us to be together forever”

It would have been a pretty ending to such a dark fairy tale. Unfortunately, neither Sam nor Alex had asked what type of tea the old man had given them. It was willow root tea. None of them could have known, of course, but the root had already been infected by the shadows. The shadows inside of them couldn’t stop the wish from being granted, but they made it impossible for the girls to be alive while they spent that eternity together. Forever would they be together, and forever would they be haunted by the shadows deep inside of them.


	8. Chapter 8

Sam and Alex were thrown back by the force of the memories suddenly blasted into their brains. There were too many emotions going through their heads for them to think about anything. After they’d lain there for a while with heaving chests, Sam saw Alex secretly checking her back for wings. As it was, she didn’t even have a body, let alone wings, so it was quite strange for her to be ‘looking back’. She’d have laughed at the sight, if she wasn’t feeling that same urge. It was getting harder to separate all of their memories, and different lives, and most of all: the past and the present. 

“So,” Sam began, “fairies, eh?”

“Yeah. Fairies.” A heavy silence settled over the room. There was so much to talk about, yet neither of them knew what to say. 

“At least now we know why we’re doing - all of this. Or, rather, how we got into this mess in the first place. Because I’m not so sure I understand what we’re doing anymore.” Sam told her wife.

Alex turned to face her, looking perplexed. “What do you mean? We’re still trying to get all of our memories back.”

“But why? This isn’t what we wished for, is it?” Sam exclaimed. “We just - we were just trying not to get separated. I really don’t think we wanted to be immortal. And now we’re separated all the time. It never ends.”

Sam was breathing more rapidly again. All of these memories were truly messing with her head. And there were so many more of them. She looked down the long, long hallway and all she could see were paintings everywhere. She couldn’t even see the machine from here, the hall was too long. And now it was all coming closer, everything coming for her, or maybe she was getting sucked in, she wasn’t sure, but it was all becoming way too much for her to handle.

“Ssshh, it’s alright, I’ve got you.” There was Alex, wrapping her arms around her girlfriend, holding her tight, but not too tight, to leave her room for breathing. She turned Sam’s head towards her, and looked deep into her eyes. “Breathe, honey. Breathe deeply, and slowly.”

The breathing worked. Slowly, Sam could feel the panic retreating until she could think freely once again. 

“I’m really sorry to rush you, but we should get going,” Alex told her gently. She got up and extended her hand to her wife to help her stand. Sam took it gratefully, and didn’t let it go when she was upright.

“I know, but there’s one more thing,” Sam said, “what about the shadows? Aren’t they, like, still inside of us?” Her voice turned into a whisper as if she was too afraid to voice the thought even here, where there was nothing but them. 

“I don’t know, honey,” Alex admitted, “and I’m pretty sure there’s no way to know unless we get this machine working. Look at this beautiful machine that we’ve spent ages trying to get to work, and now we’re almost there,” she said, gesturing down the hall. “If we’ve been doing this for so long, it must be worth it, right? As for being separated, as soon as we have these memories, we’ll never be separated again. Alright? Because I’m sure that as long as I remember you, or even the tiniest thing about you, I will never stop looking until I find you. Do you get that, honey? I will find you in any world.”

Sam would be lying if she said she didn’t cry at least a little then. 

“Do you trust me?” Alex asked her.

That was the one question she didn’t even have to think about. “Of course.”

“Then let’s go.”

And so they went. They ran down the entire hall, which took so long that when they finally got to the machine, there were only 30 seconds left to their next life. But they knew now that it would be nothing like the last ones. Because this time, they would remember. And they would find each other.

They put their hands on the lever, and together, they pushed it down. And then they were born.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Make sure you've read the trigger warnings, please!

As babies, Sam and Alex didn’t suffer. Even though they’d fixed the machine, the Recollector2000, and could theoretically remember their past lives, their baby brains weren’t developed enough. They were just regular babies.

As toddlers, they occasionally witnessed one of their lives, but they were too young to comprehend anything. They told their parents, but who believes toddlers with their crazy fantasies?

As children, they got used to sometimes seeing a life passing by. They asked their friends if they experienced similar stuff. None of them did, so they thought they just had too much imagination.

As teenagers, they saw past lives more frequently, but each time they remembered, they got massive headaches. The more they thought of it, the more intense the pain. They didn’t only have headaches though, they also started hearing voices in their head. It was harder to differentiate reality. Their parents brought them to see a psychiatrist.

And there they were on the same day in the same psychiatric institute as if by fate. Both of their psychiatrists were running late. Alex was bored out of her mind, and initiated a conversation with a random patient in the waiting room.

“Hi, I’m here because my parents think I’m mad, how about you?”

“I wouldn’t consider myself mad. I’m just not normal, but normal is boring, right?”, the girl answered.

“Well, miss Weirdo. Can I get your number? You seem to have an interesting view on life. I like it”, Alex asked confidently.

Before the girl had the time to answer, her psychiatrist called out her name. She stood up and said: “Find me and you’ll get it.” Then she left.

Alex’ head kept turning. Where had she heard that name before? Sam? And when could she meet this mysterious girl again? Luckily, she liked a challenge. She quickly wrote ‘Sam’ on a piece of paper and waited for her psychiatrist.

***

Back home Alex did some digging. She felt like a stalker. She found out where Sam lives. She wondered if it was weird to just show up at Sam’s house. Sam told her to find her, right? Maybe she should wait at the psychiatric institute and wait for Sam’s next appointment. Alex chose the latter.

So there she stood, waiting. She waited from nine to five every single day hoping that Sam would show up again. Until one day, she saw her.

“There you are,” Alex shouted, “I found you. Can I have your number now?”

Sam laughed. “Damn, you sure are a persevering girl.”

Sam gave Alex her number. Alex was grinning the whole time.

“I have to go now, but I guess I will be hearing from you soon”, Sam said and entered the building.

***

“Do you trust me?”, Alex asked.

“No”, Sam responded  
.  
“Well, you’ll have to trust me anyway”, Alex said as she took Sam’s hand, guiding her towards the ice.

Sam had never ice skated before. This was the ideal first date. If Sam fell, Alex could be Sam’s knight in shining armour.

“Okay, so just bend your knees a bit. Don’t stand there all static. It’s just like walking on ice”, Alex tried teaching Sam. She watched as her date failed miserably. She found it adorable.

“You know what? Put your hands on my shoulders. Let me guide you.” Sam obeyed Alex. She began ice skating slowly, making sure Sam was okay. Sam appreciated the gesture. Alex picked up her pace and quickly got overly confident. Sam clung to Alex out of fear. This resulted in both of them falling to the ground, Sam on top of Alex. “Thank you for breaking my fall”, Sam laughed it off awkwardly. Then, she looked into Alex’ green eyes. They just stared into each other eyes for a while. She was just amazed by how gorgeous her date looked.

“Maybe we should stand up.” Alex smirked which caused Sam to blush.

After a while they stopped ice skating and went to the cafeteria to get some hot chocolate.

“So, Sam, why do you see a psychiatrist?”, Alex started.

“You are very direct, aren’t you?”

“I know, I guess it’s who I am. And somehow, it feels like I’ve known you for eons. You can also ask me anything you want by the way. I want to lay it all out in the open. No secrets”, Alex clarified.

“Well, for starters, I hear voices in my head. The voices I hear… they’re not like, bad or evil. It’s still commonly assumed that hearing voices is a symptom of severe mental illness, and that the voices are always commanding and dangerous. My voices aren’t like that. I don’t go to the psychiatrist because I want to get rid of them, but rather to quiet them down a bit. It can get chaotic inside my head. I often have migraines”, Sam confessed.

“No way. Me too”, Alex replied excitedly and took a sip of her hot chocolate, burning her tongue in the process.

Alex continued: “If it wasn’t for the massive headaches, I would like to keep them. Sometimes I black out and live through ‘stories’ inside my head about Alexander the Great or just some regular chicks or lads at high school and so on. Some stories even contain magic. Each time I black out, I see a new story. I often don’t know what’s real anymore. It’s getting harder to differentiate reality.”

“Shut up! Me too! How is that possible? Are you fooling with me? Have you read my psychiatric file?”, Sam couldn’t understand what was happening. Had she found someone who understood her?

“No, I swear. It’s all real. I’m not joking. Do you want to hear something even weirder? Their nicknames are always Alex and Sam for short. Sometimes they are called Samantha or Samuel or Alexandra or Alexander”, Alex replied.

“Could it all be real?” They were both perplexed, but deep down they knew it was.

Their whole youth they had felt that something was missing. That someone was missing. They’d felt alone and miserable. They’d felt like no one could understand them. They had spent so much time being separated, but it had finally come to an end. The void in both of their hearts was now filled. They had found someone who experienced the same issues. Together they could defeat everything and face the world.

As time passed by, the migraines amplified. The older they got, the more intense the pain got. Remembering their previous lives came with a price. The pain starting to interfere with their lives. Day-to-day tasks became more challenging. The pain made it more difficult to concentrate. The meds they were taking to quiet down the voices became less and less effective. They were deteriorating.

At the age of 26 it all became unbearable. After the age of 25, newly formed cells are less than the number of cells that die. The cells of the body that ease the pain were dying at a faster rate than they were regenerating. They had been together for 10 years, but it had to come to an end. They’d known they wouldn’t live to the age of hundred, but they hadn’t imagined it would all end so soon.

On a friday night, Sam and Alex were both just lying in bed. They were reminiscing on the time when they were young. They missed those times. Back then, they had thought they would never end. But they had.

Sam suddenly started weeping and said: “Today is the day.” Alex knew what her wife was talking about. They had had this conversation before. All good things had to come to an end. Just like flowers that wither. Alex felt her tears welling up, but she wanted to remain strong for Sam. All of this was already hard enough. Sam saw right through this facade and said:

“You know, life is about more than just surviving. Don’t we deserve better than that? If we are going to suffer for the rest of eternity, isn’t it better to end our misery? Alex, you know I love you from the bottom of my heart, but I can’t take it anymore. I am going crazy. We are going crazy. All these lives in my head are too much. It’s overwhelming. I don’t want to be immortal anymore. I want this to be our last life.” 

“My love, if this is what you want, then so be it. I have all these beautiful memories of you. I cherish each one of them. From the very first one to the very last one. We have been through so much. We have hated and loved each other. We have caused each other sorrow and happiness. You are my everything. I have vowed my life to you. You are the highlight of my life over and over again”, Alex replied.

Alex sat upfront in bed and took a deep breath. Then, she looked around and tried to remember every single detail of their room. How the wood of their bed was carved to how Sam’s chest was slowly moving. This was last time she could look at Sam. She got up and started walking slowly to the bathroom. Extending their last moments only for so long. Not wanting it to be over, but at the same time she did. She took a bottle of pills and went back. She handed them to Sam. 

Sam looked Alex in the eyes, tenderly for one last time, took a handful of pills and went to sleep. Alex waited to take hers until she was sure Sam had died. What if the pills didn’t work and Sam woke up all alone without her? She couldn’t let that happen! She placed her hand on Sam’s heart, feeling her heartbeat and hearing her breathing. She waited until it stopped. 

Soon after, Alex followed Sam’s footsteps tranquilly. Sam had made her peace and so had she. No more voices, no more migraines, no more pain. That same night, they died together. The suffering in this life had ended. This had been their last adventure. 


	10. Chapter 10

Once again, they woke up in the dimly hallway, adorned with paintings in various shapes. However, this time they remembered everything. And the pain was just as agonizing in death as it had been in life. They looked down the hall, at all the lives they had lived, all that had been taken away from them and now given back in such an awful way. Life had been unfair to them until the bitter end.

A terrible rage took hold of them and they made it their mission to destroy the machine that had caused all of this trouble. They took a baseball bat and swung it as hard as they could at their machine. They got a thrill from wrecking it. The Recollector2000 had once been their lives goal. They had put their blood, sweat and tears into it. That same machine that once represented their hopes and dreams became the thing they hated the most. They teared everything down and then continued to the rest of the hall. By destroying the paintings, they destroyed their memories. Each broken painting brought them some relief.

When they finally got to the first one, they took a deep breath. This is where it had all began. Where they had wished to be together forever. Where making the wish had seemed the only option to save their marriage. If they annihilated this painting, it would be like they never made the wish in the first place. They would be erased from existence. Not one trace of them would be left, except in the hearts of the people that knew them in their lives.

“Goodbye, my love,” Alex took a deep breath, “never forget I love you”. She was sobbing softly. She felt immensely remorseful. She had been the one who pushed Sam to finish ‘The Recollector2000’. Sam had wanted to stop, she hadn’t seen the point of it anymore, and she’d been right, whereas Alex had still seen a purpose to the machine. As she had put it : Look at this beautiful machine that we’ve spent ages trying to get to work, and now we’re almost there. If only she hadn’t- But maybe this was for the best. It would have been cruel to themselves to go on living new lives, having to go through the same thing over and over again. And now they had the choice: either continue living a lie or face the terrible truth. It only took one look at each other and the choice was made. 

As soon as they ripped the painting, they began fading away, thus ending their immortal live. They had lived happily ever after. They had been together forever. They had finally put an end to the haunting of the shadows deep inside of them. 

“Goodbye, Alex.”

They kissed one last time, pouring all of their emotions into their final kiss. They’d lived enough lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to anyone who read our story! Feel free to leave us comments if you liked it :)


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